So, I was in the car today and saw someone with the license plate “X0DUS3 5”, so I thought it was like Exodus 3:5 and I looked it up, and do you know what it said?
"Do not come any closer."
if you don’t appreciate thick thighs you can get outta here
i do bad things because i listen to music with swears
so we went to an improv show and we played this game where somebody is given a trait and another player has to guess what it is based on how they answer questions
and one of the players who was a taxidermist was asked “what do you do for a living?” and she replied “oh you know…. stuff” AND TO THIS DAY THAT IS THE GREATEST PUN I HAVE EVER HEARD MY GOD
i either read for 4 hours straight or dont read for 4 months there is no in between
sometimes i think i’m sassy and then i realize i’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean
feelin good about yourself but suddenly you look at someone and then you look at yourself again and boom